


High on Pain Medicine

by WriterofGotham



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman - Fandom, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Accidents, Batman References, Being High, Crack, Drabble, Dysfunctional Family, Funny, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, The batfamily weird bonding, being a vigilante, daddy bruce, no editing we die like robins, pain meds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 22:37:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11000460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterofGotham/pseuds/WriterofGotham
Summary: The batfamily high on pain meds.





	1. Chapter 1

Dick on pain meds is torture for the Batfamily. None of them are immune to being cuddled and held and touched and kissed. Sloppy wet kisses.

Like the time Dick got in a fight with Man Bat and got stabbed with his claws. He was on bed rest so he wouldn't overdo it hurting himself further. He would call for Damian and when he got close enough he would grab and hold him like a teddy bear.

He would pat his hair and call him, "Baby Bat" or "Little Baby Child" much to Damien's dislike. Damian didn't move for fear that he would he would hurt him more. Damian almost killed Stephanie when she took a picture of him and Dick laying together asleep.

Dick also sings and only wants to watch Disney movies. He sings along to every song, very pitifully. Tim likes to sit with him; he'll work and watch him to make sure he doesn't pull any stitches. All wrapped up in blankets he'll watch Tim work and eventually he'll get his hand so he can't work and Tim would have just watch every Disney movie ever made, but the Lion King. They don't talk about that one, ever since he was a kid and had nightmares about his parents death. Mufasa falling brought back to much memories.

Bruce will watch over him from a distance he'll make sure that the books he'd put off reading appear on his nightstand or where he can easily see then.

Dick likes that he doesn't have to do his puppy dog eyes to get his favorite meals, even though he pretends he doesn't know that Alfred did it on purpose.

Dick on pain medicine is only fun for him he enjoys making everyone feel sorry for him.


	2. Chapter 2

Are you kidding? Batman doesn't take pain medicine he suffers though and learns from the pain.

Bruce however takes benadryl and gets knocked out from half a dose. He may or may not have woken up to a his whole face being done in full make up.

That is when he decided suffering through was an awesome idea.


	3. Chapter 3

Jason on pain pills when he was Robin

Jason's first encounter with pain medication was one that Bruce still had nightmares about. It was innocent enough pain killer, Advil of all things. Jason found out he was allergic to Advil pretty soon after taking it. It couldn't be hives or maybe even a getting sick it was hyperactivity.

He lept around the batcave saying things like, "I know who Batman is" or "I think Alfred would be a better Batman than you, Bruce" and "I know why people do drugs now, I feel like my soul has left my body." In a sing song voice.

It was hours before Jason said something like himself. Long hours, very long hours. Alfred had tried to get him to calm down by getting him to drink tea. He didn't calm down, though he challenged Alfred to a contest to see who could drink the most tea.

Alfred won.

Eventually, Jason crashed. He was never allowed to take Advil ever again.


	4. Chapter 4

Cassie doesn’t react to pain medicine, everyone else reacts to her being hurt instead. 

She had gotten two broken and one fractured rib. She had taken a few pills. Stephanie poked her rib and said, “Does that hurt?” 

“Yes. Hurt, been worse.” 

Cassie doesn’t get hurt. Ever.

Stephanie poked her rib again. Damian was unused to his sister being hurt. She was the best fighter out of them all. Damian held back the urge to poke her rib, she couldn’t have gotten hurt. It was hard to believe Cassandra Cain injured by a common thug. He had snuck behind her when she was fighter two other thugs. 

It was unheard of Dick came behind her and poked her rib. “I can’t believe you got hurt.” Dick said.

Bruce knew that even the most well trained soldier could get hurt. But he had a hard time believing that his daughter had gotten injured. She seemed invincible. It was strange.


	5. Chapter 5

Damian had to have his appendix taken out. The doctor and had to have stitches in his hand from where Damian had snuck in a knife and tried to make the doctor go away. Forcefully.

He hated to admit weakness. After the operation he was taken back to the manor and left in his room to sleep.

Dick had to sneak in Damian's room because he was told in no uncertain terms not to bother his little brother. He walked in to see that Damian was curled up in his bed with a lot of lumps all around him.

At first he thought it was the blanket lumping up. Until he saw that there was cats everywhere.

Everywhere.

They were all around him, in the floor, at least ten in bed with him. Dick tried to see if he could figure out a point of entrance. All that looking and he couldn't find out how Damian got that many cats in his room.

Damian looked at Dick bleary eyed.

"Do not touch them, Grayson." Damian said and fell back in bed with a thud. A few meows resounded.

Damian on pain medicine lures cats to the manor.

They never figured out how Damian got that many cats in his room. When he woke up he didn't remember anything. They never left him unsupervised on pain meds ever again.

They couldn't handle fifty three cats in the manor.


	6. Chapter 6

Tim on pain meds is both alarming and hilarious. He tries to work, but gets sidetracked thinking about the wonders of the universe.

He had gone too many rounds with Killer Croc, and was pretty busted up. He was sitting in the drawing room with Dick and Damian when it started.

"Why doesn't the Joker ever just get tired of the cat and mouse game? He'll never win. I get tired of all the villains being evil. I mean, you can't leave them alone for a minute. I bet I would be a better villain I would make a move on all their territory, people would respect me and then be under my dictatorship. The whole world, renamed Timmy Land."

Dick looked at him and replied, "Did you drink all the tea Alfred gave you?"

"Yeah, Alfred's magical. The tea is making all the pain go away, like it was touched by a unicorn horn." Tim said in a hushed, slurred voice.

"Drake, the pain killers you refused to take were in the tea. Tt, fool you should have been killed by Killer Croc." Damian said with venom in his voice. He was glad he was ok, but he would rather die than act like he cared.

Tim teared up a little. "Damian that's so nice of you. You do care." He proceeded to walk… stumble to Damian where he promptly passed out on the unsuspecting Wayne.

"Oh. You're boney and hard. Why can't you feel like a plushie." Tim said before he started to slightly snore on a flustered Damian.

Alfred searched for a pain medicine that wouldn't affect Tim like that. Damian had to get Dick to pry Tim off of him.


	7. Chapter 7

Steph had gotten in a fight with a bad guy, she had a dislocated shoulder and a busted lip. She won the fight, but at a cost. Alfred had tended to her wounds and she had taken some pain reliever Tim had invited her to stay the night at the manor. She agreed, it was nice she thought as she was sitting on the sofa with Tim. Tim had his hand on her good shoulder and she felt safe.

They fell asleep on each other. Steph woke up a little later she had a nightmare.

Tim was shaken awake. "Sing to me." Stephanie ordered him.

Her arm was still hurting and the pain medicine was making her a little fuzzy, and she just wanted to be held and sang to. Ordinarily, she wouldn't have asked him that because Tim sings like he has a bull frog stuck in his throat.

He sang a rendition of "Hallelujah" he knew that she liked to listen to it by Music Corps. In a drug haze Stephanie thought he was the best singer ever as she snuggled closer into his shoulder.

She fell asleep before Damian came in to try and kill Tim. In Damian's defense he thought it was a bird trapped and was dying. He was going to put the bird out of it's misery. He couldn't tell that the "bird" was singing words.


	8. Chapter 8

Jason had gotten stabbed in the shoulder when he was running with the Outlaws. Roy had had stitched and bandaged his shoulder, while Jason was passed out he gave him a shot of morphine.

Big mistake.

When Jason came to he looked around wildly and grabbed his helmet. He settled it in his arms and held it like a baby. "I love you. You are so pretty, if I have a bad day I just look at you and smile."

Kori and Roy were watching with rapt attention at Jason admitting his undying love for his hood.

"I am so recording this." Roy whipped out his phone and began to film Jason's babbling.

"I love you, Roy. You're my best friend and you understand me and my need to steal peoples souls. I love you too, Kori you'll always be my favorite princess. You should be a Disney Princess you don't need no ol' man you got two buff dudes instead. Plus, you can kick butt without us. We should steal Titus and make a movie about the three of us." Jason was smiling as he spoke and stroked his helmet.

"Why do we need a dog?" Kori asked. Slightly peeved at his description of her

"Ok, we can steal a panda instead of a dog." Jason said as if he thought that a dog was ridiculous, but a panda was as logical as Spock.

"I am sending this video to every single Bat. I am going to die laughing, if he doesn't stop." Roy said, as he held his ribs.

Jason looked at him concerned, "Don't die Roy, it really sucks."

A few hours later, Jason woke up with a sore shoulder and he didn't understand why Roy and Kori told him that they loved him too.


	9. Chapter 9

Alfred On Pain Medicine

Alfred on pain medicine is unusual he rarely gets injured. when he does get hurt he doesn't like taking anything that dulls his senses.

So when Alfred had fallen done the stairs and broken his arm he was forced to take medicine and rest. All of his boys took turns staying with him. Dick took the first round, in which Alfred taught him the finer points of aiming a snipers rifle. Just in case he needed to know. He kept calling Dick, Private Grayson.

When it was Jason's turn he slept mostly and when he woke up he taught Jason how to crochet. Jason wouldn't have learned it from anyone, but Alfred. it turns out the repetitive motion was calming and Jason fell asleep to be awoken by Tim.

Alfred told Tim how he once caught and ate a panda.

"There were endangered, Alfred! How could you eat a panda bear?" Tim asked appalled.

"It was war! I ate a panda. I didn't like it, but it was me or him." Alfred said emphatically.

"You fought and killed a bear, nothing you say can surprise me anymore." Tim said as he shook his head.

Cassandra stayed with Alfred next. Alfred taught her all the words to, 'As I was Going To St. Ives.' She didn't understand half of it, but Alfred wanted to teach her something. So as anyone walked by the west part of the manor they her Cass's sweet and low voice and Alfred's deep robust English accent singing an old song.

Damian didn't want to sit with Alfred he wanted to do anything but, stay with the old man. He saw Jason crocheting and Tim looking up when pandas went on the the endangered species list. [They got off the list, thankfully.]

Damian was told stories from Alfred's childhood. Damian enjoyed Alfred's stories of growing up, they weren't full of fun or saying that he had a terrible childhood. He laughed at some of the things Alfred had done when he was small.

Bruce was last to stay with Alfred. "Did you enjoy making the kids listen to you?" Bruce asked.

"Of course, if I say anything they dismiss it to pain meds or they listen thinking they are learning some deep secret." Alfred said with a glint in his eye.

"I had no idea you were so vindictive, Alfred." Bruce said as he handed him a cup of tea.


	10. Chapter 10

Duke on pain medication is weird. He says everything he's thinking and he is brutally honest.

They saw him high when, as Signal he had been thrown into a building that had cracked his ribs and fractured his left arm. Alfred had given him the appropriate medical care and a low dosage of pain killer to help him sleep. It didn't work he was up the rest of the night with Tim and Damian keeping him company. 

"I didn't think I would ever be adopted. But now I'm adopted and the chances of me being murdered went up 90 percent, and the chance of me dying and coming back from the dead are almost 99 percent. It evens out. I think." He was playing with a baterang that he had taken from Damian in his drugged stupor. 

"What is death like? No, no, no don't tell me I want it to be a surprise when it happens to me. That way I won't be scared when it happens to me." Duke said as he slumped on the couch as they watched a movie. It was a dumb movie that nobody had seen before. They weren't paying attention after that.

Damian and Tim didn't know how to respond to that so they didn't. They pulled a blanket over Duke's sleeping frame. 

"I hope he doesn't die." Tim whispered to Damian.

“He might live." Damian offered Tim.

"Being adopted by Bruce Wayne is like the kiss of death." Tim muttered.


	11. Chapter 11

Bruce's appendix had decided to betray him and he had to have surgery to remove it. Gotham General was abuzz trying to make his stay as comfortable as it could be. They even broke the rules and let in most of his family instead of just one person. 

The bat/Wayne family walked into the large room it was evident that Bruce wasn't getting standard treatment.

" Did you bring the coffee?" Bruce asked as he looked for it in one of their hands. 

" Yeah, we didn't forget." Tim said as he put the cup of black coffee in his adopted Father's hand. Bruce had been adamant that he wanted caffeine as soon as he was lucid. 

Bruce took a sip as he looked at his children, Damian was at the foot of his bed and looking hard at him. "Don't pull the blanket down. I'm naked underneath." Bruce told him looking straight at Damian.

"Father, I would never," Damian answered offended at the suggestion, Damian shivered a little in the hospitals colder temperature that prevented germs from spreading.

"When I get out we need to go to Target and get razors. The razors are in the back with the milk," Bruce said, "I also need more knives. Alfred keeps taking them from me." 

"We should be good sons and leave until Bruce has a semblance of how to Batman," Dick laughed as he started videoing the very unBruce, Bruce. "Blackmail is blackmail. He still has the footage of when I had my wisdom teeth cut out," 

"How come I've never seen your embarrassing video, I am missing out on so much?" Jason asked he was dressed as an orderly instead of Bruce Wayne's dead son visiting him in the hospital.

"I never got mine cut out," Tim said musing. 

"I can do it with a knife," Bruce offered.


End file.
